Well… where to start from really?  How many times have you started and ended a diet?  How many times have you failed or succeeded in said diet?

Did I mention I hate the word diet?  Seriously hate it.  I prefer life change or something to that effect.

So the beginning….

Home life… I ate what I wanted and my parents didn’t really stop me.  I am not blaming them so don’t think that.  I was always pretty active when I was younger but still overweight for my age and height.  I did the sports in Middle School and stopped after my freshman year because I wanted to do theater and orchestra more than anything else.  I was determined and dedicated to music and communications.  So after the sports came the weight gains.

I never ever thought of myself as over weight… until I became an adult.

So diet 1 that I tried;  Adkins diet…. What it does… this diet limits your carbs to a very very low amount.  Did it work you ask… why yes it did… until I added other food back into my diet.  I lost about 70lbs with this diet and gained most if not all of it back.  Please let me know that I did not work out with this diet.  Honestly I didn’t really start working out until April of 2013.  I am not sure I ever understood that that is the only true way to get healthy and stay in shape.  Sometimes I think I still don’t.  No I don’t think I know I don’t.

At one time I did the Adkins diet twice thinking the second time would be better than the first.  Why?  I don’t know but if you figure it out let me know.  During the 2nd time I also joined a Biggest Loser Contest at work and won…

The 2nd diet that I tried:  Nutrisystem…. While it did work the 1st time I ended up becoming pregnant and had to quit the diet.  After my son was born I was going to go back on it and just couldn’t bring myself to eat those same foods anymore.  They did not taste good to me again.  So there goes that ruined diet.

Is it the diets that ruin me or my thoughts?  Answer:  THOUGHTS

So the 3rd time I decided to try HMR through my local hospital.  Oh boy did it work but was one of the hardest things I have ever done.  I went from 274.8 lbs to 160 lbs in 8 months.  WOW fast right… 1st of all after much research that I have done I have found out there is really no such thing as too fast.  Now my problem with this again is  I was going to transition into what they call Phase 2 and that just did not transition so well.  I missed out on how to properly do it.  I then went to a cookie exchange party (needless to say during this time my children had birthday parties, we went to parties, we went on vacation (where I took my food), multi issues where I could have gone off the diet.  I guess at this cookie exchange I decided I had had enough and just ate whatever I wanted (minus the pizza they ordered)  I did eat my own food there as well.

So February came and I started getting this horrific feeling.  My stomach would hurt and I would feel a burning sensation that was not heart burn.  Well come to find out I had a ton of Gallstones mostly from going from my HMR food to every day food.  Once I had it removed I had issues.  More tests later and it turned out I have something called Sphincter of Oddi disfunction.  So I had to have a stent put in to help with that.  So during the 2 months I had this stent I would have rather given birth to octuplets rather than go through what I was.  I tried not to let on about the pain and I never really said anything.  I finally went to my doctor and said you have to get this out.  So she called the GI doctor and out it came a week later.  Relief.

So since then I haven’t been able to get back into the swing of things and from my 160lbs I am up to 260lbs.  WHEW!!!  100lbs.  WTH did I let happen.  Where did my thinner yet still overweight according to the BMI chart go?  I was so happy with that.

Gaining all this weight back has hurt me and my family in so many ways.  I am not sure where else to go.  I have worked out a few times here and there but not like I used to and I have lost that amazing flexibility that I had.  I can still do the things I used to like fold myself in half (yes even for a fat girl) but it is a little more hurtful.  I am 31 not a spring chicken anymore.  I need to do something and I need to do it now.  For myself, for my children, for my family.

Now having said that… I know what I need to do… I even use My Fitness Pal.  However I don’t do it very well.  My love for food gets in the way.  I love love love food.  I also cater so I really love food.  If I could I would have my own restaurant.

So I struggle and sometimes tell myself what other ladies do around the world:

Maybe I was just meant to be fat.