I think I sometimes hold myself too high. I think I should be able to look like other people look and do what other people do. I can only do what I can do. Which apparently right now is nothing and be lazy. I admit I do want to look like this:
However I know I am a bit too lazy to do it. I mean I had the motivation at one time when it’s what I thought someone else wanted. I know I know, I should have done it for me. However I thought it would make everything happy again. It didn’t, it didn’t change anything but me.
So I guess I should start at the beginning or somewhat… this is me at 274.8lbs (which I wanted tattooed on my wrist as a reminder to not go there again). Well I am assuming it was that weight; this was actually the December before I started.
I was miserable; always. This was me at the end of that journey; weighing in at 160lbs even. It took me 9 months to lose the weight and no normal food I like to call it.
SO I worked hard and was temporarily happy. I decided I wanted some food so at my son’s 3rd birthday party I ate food. Nuggets, watermelon, fish sticks, cake (I think). It only went down hill from there with me working at a minimum 40 hours and maximum of 92 one week. Usually averaged 70hrs. I ate whatever came along and I didn’t work out. What had happened to me? What did I do? Why did I ruin what I had worked so hard for?
So you see my dilemma?