I think I sometimes hold myself too high.  I think I should be able to look like other people look and do what other people do.  I can only do what I can do.  Which apparently right now is nothing and be lazy.  I admit I do want to look like this:

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However I know I am a bit too lazy to do it.  I mean I had the motivation at one time when it’s what I thought someone else wanted.  I know I know, I should have done it for me.  However I thought it would make everything happy again.  It didn’t, it didn’t change anything but me.

So I guess I should start at the beginning or somewhat… this is me at 274.8lbs (which I wanted tattooed on my wrist as a reminder to not go there again).  Well I am assuming it was that weight; this was actually the December before I started.

Before

I was miserable; always.  This was me at the end of that journey; weighing in at 160lbs even.  It took me 9 months to lose the weight and no normal food I like to call it.

After

SO I worked hard and was temporarily happy.  I decided I wanted some food so at my son’s 3rd birthday party I ate food.  Nuggets, watermelon, fish sticks, cake (I think).  It only went down hill from there with me working at a minimum 40 hours and maximum of 92 one week.  Usually averaged 70hrs.  I ate whatever came along and I didn’t work out.  What had happened to me?  What did I do?  Why did I ruin what I had worked so hard for?

So you see my dilemma?

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